I started this journey in 2011 and now it is 2014. So what happened? Life happened. I got my license. I finished supervision. I had another child and still trying to get the help my first child needs to he can be who he is meant to be in Jesus. Oh, and my wonderful PMDD (Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder) getting in the way which is now a mental disorder according to the new DSM-V.
I have been on two different anti-depressants and hate them both. One makes me numb and other one makes me sleepy. Soon I will be making an appointment with the homeopathic doctor. I found a female close to me and hopefully, she will give me some guidance.
God is here. God is always here regardless of me using his name in vain and my swearing or creating a new name for Jesus. My PMDD has gotten worse since having children and now I am getting older. My body continues to change to whatever season I am in at the moment. Life with PMDD sucks fortunately, I have a caring husband who can take up the slack when I feel like crap. He tries to be a buffer for the children. Yes, I swear at them, too. Sometimes, I just want to beat the crap out of them. I really want to take a 3 week vacation every month and just be lazy. My family gets one good week out of me every month that is 12 weeks out of the year. The other 40 weeks? Yeah, I am a total raging lunatic. The TV show "Snapped" can so easily be me. However, God reigns me in and takes control, sort of. I take my anger out on me. I bite my fingers. I have been biting my fingers since I was 12 or 13 years old. I think I stopped for a while when I was single. I used to bite my fingernails, too; though, that has completely stopped for whatever reason. I tell people that I finished my undergrad program. I stopped biting my fingernails when I graduated. I still continue to bite my fingers.
Yes, I am crazy. Crazy in love with Jesus; yet, my hell is PMDD.
